malmaldude:

teenagenuisance:

sextoyconfessions:

This commercial is still the funniest thing I’ve seen in awhile.

children are just small stoners

The other girls like “you’re a genius”

(Source: heyitstay27)

keepmywhiskeyneat:

TRUE STORY
One morning, I was awakened by a knock at the door. I rolled out of bed, threw a blanket over my shoulder because it was cold, and made my way to the front of the house. I opened the door and a very nice lady of some sort of christian denomination handed me a pamphlet and launched in to a well-rehearsed spiel about accepting jesus in to my life when she stopped mid sentence and gave me a peculiar look. I used this pause in her speech to politely decline her offer and wish her a pleasant morning. It wasn’t until I looked at what she handed me that I understood why I stopped her in her tracks and then proceeded to laugh for the next half hour by myself.

keepmywhiskeyneat:

TRUE STORY

One morning, I was awakened by a knock at the door. I rolled out of bed, threw a blanket over my shoulder because it was cold, and made my way to the front of the house. I opened the door and a very nice lady of some sort of christian denomination handed me a pamphlet and launched in to a well-rehearsed spiel about accepting jesus in to my life when she stopped mid sentence and gave me a peculiar look. I used this pause in her speech to politely decline her offer and wish her a pleasant morning. It wasn’t until I looked at what she handed me that I understood why I stopped her in her tracks and then proceeded to laugh for the next half hour by myself.

Things that would be nice at 4 am

shutup-imreading:

beforeyouwalk-youhavetocrawl:

cartouche-dreams:

Long make out session
Back rubs
Cuddles
Deep talks
Killing people
Forehead kisses
Hearing each other breathe
Holding hands
Laughs and corny jokes

One of these is not like the rest

Yeah,but hearing each other breathe can be cute!

typette:

nadiaoxford:

evilsoutherngentleman:

megan-is-a-doll:

dorkly:

"Eye of the Tiger" Played on an Old Dot-Matrix Printer

"Papa, what did the ’80s sound like?"

I just laughed so hard I almost puked.

I am so glad I know you, and that people make things like this.

This is humanity’s most important achievement. 

someone make a fucking hardcore techno remix of this shit with a sick bass line and synths, DO IT

carryonmy-assbutt:

lolfunnow:

My brother and his wife got in a fight last night. She apparently used his phone as a ninja star.

how hard did she throw that

carryonmy-assbutt:

lolfunnow:

My brother and his wife got in a fight last night. She apparently used his phone as a ninja star.

how hard did she throw that

universityofhyrule:

puppetzeldas:

hyrule warriors glitching going s o   r i g h t

[ via miiverse

(if you thought i was even close to done with these, you were wrong)

BEST FUCKING GLITCH IN HISTORY OF NINTENDO

broriarty:

francieum:

fillmyeyeswithstars:

wheelcher2:

coolpup:

is it pets mart or pet smart

are we human or are we dancers

where am I

To the first question, it is Pet Smart.

image

Each of the words are a different color, and the ball bounces in between both of the words.

And as for the second question, we are human. Dancer is a type of profession.

that poor third person’s question wasn’t answered they’re probably still lost

austere-fallen-angel:

does anybody else clean their phone screen by wiping it on their boob or is that just me